And so: Bob sees New Moon

As he has been living under a rock, Bob, out of sheer curiosity, decided to see New Moon. (he managed to con a ticket out of the ticket master.) He kept asking questions to the teenage girls sitting behind him, and was eventually kicked out by an usher.

New Moon is out! Success!

OK, so any of you readers who are teenage and female (or even if you're a guy) know what New Moon is. If you don't, then you have, quite clearly, been living under a rock- no offence intended.

But back to the original rant.

Anyway, I just saw New Moon (plot spoiler alert!!!!) today with a couple of my friends. Totally, totally, incredibly better than Twilight which, like, sucked majorly because of its total lack of a budget. With its sparkly budget, New Moon has founding for a lot of special effects and it uses that fact. Special effects are everywhere and some of them are, in fact, largely useless.

The movie is also two and a half hours long, which is kind of annoying when you consider the fact that, hey, Edward is gone for most of the movie, so that must mean its mostly Bella-Jacob bonding time. While I appreciate that they put in some effort in developing a relationship, I still don't want to spend that long hearing about it.

As a side note: is it just me or are the actors' eyebrows strangely over-accentuated? Because I know I was staring at Edward and Bella's eyebrows during a couple of scenes instead of actually watching the movie.

Plus, the end is KILLER. I CAN'T WAIT FOR ECLIPSE!!!!!!! God, I'm going to start counting the days until it comes out!

As Thanksgiving Comes Up..

A note on the holiday feeling.

As the holiday of sharing comes up, and we begin to see the edges of the wonderful winter holidays, I find myself reflecting on how those holidays began. Did those kind, good Samaritan Native Americans know that every kind thing that they did for the hapless settlers would be recorded and celebrated years later? Of course, their bravery in the face of the Pale-Faces is admirable.

And, um, correct me if I'm wrong, but weren't those very settlers the same ones to bring diseases that killed off huge amounts of helpless Natives? This just goes to show me that we only remember the stuff that promotes a good, patriotic feeling.

Although, really, I guess I don't have a problem with that. I just dislike having to continue that patriotic, we're-all-a-family feeling and go down to visit the family every holiday.

A word to the wise, from the wise: expect one of these rants at pretty much any family oriented holiday- I hate road trips.

What REALLY Goes On At Our Workplace

If you have a thing called curiosity you may be wondering what on Earth we do as a job that could cause us to crank out such weird stuff. Well, here it is.

We work at a deadly secret facility where we make a synthetic creation known as "Teddy Bears." The Teddies have intelligent, inquisitive minds; they epress this through their very dry sense of humor. In fact, the other day one of them asked me to relay this message to the world: We are the clones of high-ranking officials. With the power of our amazing brains and the prestige our forms give us, WE WILL TAKE OVER THE WORLD. MWUAHAHAHA.

If this actually worries you government types, don't worry, they were joking... as far as you know...

One day we accidentally inhaled ammonium hydroxide, and the fumes made eveyone feel rather funny. Much, much later it started showing when we threw a party for Teddy Bush, who had died that day. Sadly, no one much liked Teddy Bush, because of his namesake. Still, the party was great and I got to meet some of my more eccentric coworkers.

And, because this is a story about how this blog started, we, the eccentrics, banded together and formed the great Bob Files! In fact, you could almost say that some of these stories are about a Teddy Bob. But don't tell any of my co-writers that...

And that is the story!

Major Depressive Disorder

Very recently Bob has been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder (btw :)!26!:), that's why he gets depressed a lot.) Poverty is often associated with major depressive disorder, so that's most likely how he developed it. Up to 60% of the people who commit suicide have a depressive disorder or another mood disorder, so evidently Lucy had it too. (major depressive disorder also is associated with stress and vulnerability, more proof that Lucy had it.)

Kudos to Wikipedia!

Bob and the once oh so beautiful scooter

Bob was feeling rather normal on that fateful day in the full heat of summer. The sun was unconquerable as it menacingly rose up into the sky.
I want some lemonade, Bob thought dully. He was standing in front of his "house" and staring blankly into the one sickly tree overhead. He hadn't had lemonade since....a long time ago.
As he stared into the tree, he started feeling the heat from that darnded invincible sun creeping closer to him. Squinting, he pondered about sneaking into the nearest Walmart (they always had the most AC) and haggling a lemonade bottle out of them. Aw, he wearily thought, 'sway too much trouble to think about such things. With a start, he realized his eyes had led him to something in the tree - a tantalizing glint of metal, flashing in the sun. Curiosity held him, and with a grunt he pulled himself into the tree (which shook under a combination of Bob's weight and malnutrition). Determination alight in his eyes, Bob slowly scaled the tree. He was at the object! It was a scooter, the kind you see little kids zooming around with, and it was ultra shiny and brand new. He shrieked with glee and lunged for it, losing his balance and plunging with it down onto his house. The house collapsed, but in his hurry, Bob didn't notice. He awkwardly got on it and started to ride. That was were the awkwardness stopped. With a grace never seen to people like him before, he rode off into the wild world and didn't look back.